Day 126

Today 2013 is half over. I’ve heard that time goes faster with age but I didn’t realize that it disappeared. Some days are endless and yet another week is done. Endless days are those that are consumed with low energy and lack of vigor. I write a blah blog entry because a review of the previous day or prediction for the day are flat. I love awakening feeling that I will use the day as a precious gift.

Day 125

Two highlights from yesterday: the farm box with its goodies and a massage from Karen. She uses her intuition to find parts of my body that need attention. She worked on balancing my inner workings to help with the disorientation blips using hot stones along my spine and clicking them with other stones. I could feel vibrations. The farm box offers everything I need to make real food and keeps me away from the temptation to do otherwise. 

Day 124

I handed out stars yesterday. Not literally, but with words of appreciation. I like the response and smiles for the simple words. Today I can get out and distribute Senior News for the new editor. Barbara wanted to come up and go with me but I have a vet appointment for Cody on Monday morning. It may be his last trip. His quality of life is slipping fast and I want him to go play with Dido soon.

Day 123

Yes, I’m on a roll. Feeling like myself again. No anxiety feelings that have been part of waiting for the next disorientation blip to happen. Today is senior center duty for music day. The Boondock Band plays on Thursdays and people enjoy the old folk songs. No school duty any longer. Shall I look for another volunteer spot or not? Today is Barbara’s last day as editor of senior news. Then she begins the new job of retirement.

Day 122

Wet with hope for tomorrow’s predicted clearing. I admit that I don’t know if I want any further tests. We know the episode is BPPV and I am willing to wait it out without a neurologist saying, Yep, that’s what it is. Today I go to the museum. I enjoy the conversations. I go and wipe off the finger prints from the display cases. I will walk, rain or not. Today I am planning a routine good day.

day 121

Wet again. Senior Center duty and errands will make up my daily activities. Writing is still not comfortable. Some head tilts make me mildly seasick for a blink. Since I didn’t hear from the doc, it’s safe to think there was nothing noteworthy in the CAT scan. I want everything that’s supposed to be in my brain to be there and nothing that’s not supposed to be there.  I want my life back without worrying about this thing.

Day 120

Wet dark summer morning again. After a good sleep and two cups of coffee, I’m ready to do something besides stay quiet. Egads! This is day four of doing nothing and it’s not in my genes to let that be OK, especially when I feel well. Time to test my equilibrium out of the house even if it’s just cruising around the grocery store, I’m going out. I want fruit: apricots, cherries, and plums. The season is short.

Day 119

No walk yesterday but lots better head health. Only minor blips of disorientation. Today is wet and I plan to stay in and quiet one more day. I’m sure the episode is over. Had a wonderful conversation with Megan. She is a spark in my life. I help her by claiming my mistakes and offering the learning that comes from making them. Maybe she can do the short version if she needs to make that mistake at all.

Day 118

I had a CAT scan yesterday to rule out any other conditions besides the BPPV. One piece of advice from the doctor keeps coming back: breathe, often and deeply. I know that the stress takes away my breath and then I feel worse. She gave me some valium tablets to mellow out the anxiety. Today I’ll take the girls for a walk. They have been housebound too and we all need to get fresh air. On with living!

Day 117

According to my health support person I’m still having BPPV aftereffects to the point where I should not be driving or working. I feel that I’m better and was surprised that the nystagmus response in my eyes told another story. So, I’ll stop trying so hard to push my body when it needs to be safe from possible spells of disorientation. I wanted to learn to be satisfied with being at home. Here’s my opportunity to do it.

Day 116

Today I have an appointment for a follow-up on the BPPV. I want to be sure that my new medical support person knows the Eply maneuver in case I have a recurrence. The aftermath disorientation blinks are fading. I want another normal day. Yesterday was what I needed: lots of interesting people followed by Thai lunch with Susanne. It is the last day of Spring. I like waking up to the early twittering of birds greeting the day.

Day 115

I enjoyed yesterday’s goal and will do it again today. Maybe even make a daily habit of looking for sincere ways of fluffing up other people with specific words about them. A blanket compliment is not as meaningful as one that pinpoints the reason for the acknowledgement. It’s a damp morning, calm and warm. I’m looking forward to museum duty and hope for interesting visitors. A walk is on the agenda too. I am feeling well and happy.

Day 114

Today I am being happy in advance of opportunity. A kind of paying it forward. I woke up happy to be in my comfortable home and life. My plan is to give away happiness with acknowledgement and appreciation. I don’t think any of us get enough of either of those. When I feel the need to be appreciated and acknowledged, and that does happen, then I will be sure that I give it away instead of wanting it. 

Day 113

I must keep learning if I want my brain to stay healthy. I do acrostics and crossword puzzles and that’s not enough. I avoid the logic and math puzzles so that must be what I need to do. I want those synapses to keep actively snapping. This vertigo thing is age related and that is a wake-up call. As the body changes, adaptations come with it, along with my wholehearted desire to age actively,  gracefully, independently, and well.

Day 112

I want to learn more uses of my computer. I tend to hang around in the same place without exploring the possibilities. I play a couple of games, process words, blog, facebook, research, and that’s about all. This computer can do many other things. I don’t explore because I don’t use the other applications now but I might find them useful if I learned to find them. I’m interested in graphics and enhancing the blog with interesting themes.

Day 111

I want a normal day with no health stuff in the way of doing what I want to do. I miss going out and being part of the community. I miss the people at the police department. My duty there is almost over and changes will make it unnecessary for me to come. Time for my antennae to wave around looking for another place to help out. I could learn to stay home and make the time productive.

Day 110

Identifying the dizzy spells and finding relief was one high spot in yesterday. Vestibular positional vertigo is its name and the Eply maneuver is the cure. Seasick pills helped too. It could recur and I need to pay attention to any onset of disorientation. Then Megan’s visit and the array of vegan books she brought. Lots of rationale and recipes. The family collected here and on to Wing Wah for a delicious multi-course retirement celebration dinner for Hollie.

Day 109

I enjoyed my J Street friends yesterday. Tea and poetry are spirit lifters for sure. A busy day is starting with sunshine and, at least for the minute, no wind. Senior center duty, a doctor appointment about the dizziness, Megan’s visit, family meal to celebrate Hollie’s last day of teaching, and that’s a packed and wonderful day. I like days with a variety of people, places, and interactions. I like my many connections. Makes my daily life interesting.

Day 108

Megan is coming today and will be here tomorrow to celebrate Hollie’s retirement. I’m glad she’s coming. Haven’t seen her since her birthday in April. She’s bringing vegan books for me to study. I’m about 95% vegan and am leaving space for occasional indulgence in case ice cream is available. I’m enjoying the process and I like the way I can shop without ever getting out of the produce section. Cuts down on temptation. Wish I felt well. 

Day 107

After four days inside and quiet, I’m going to do my senior center duty this morning and do a few errands that need attention. I want to have energy and a good mood today. I have not had much of either for a couple of weeks since the day I donated the 107^th pint of blood and had a problem walking home. The episode aftermath is lasting too long. I want my body back in motion. Bring it!

Day 106

Monday, Monday. Hollie’s last Monday as a teacher. I could go to Brookings and get a new pair of walking shoes or not. I’m feeling unsettled as if I’m forgetting something important. The calendar is blank so it’s not an appointment. Maybe it’s the column for Senior News. The ideas are circling over my head and maybe I need to give them a space to land. I’m uncertain about a lot of things this morning. Change feels close.

Day 105

Today we have two visiting women priests. Fr. David is on a month vacation and so there is no communion service except today. I’m looking forward to their visit. Someone asked me if I would continue at St. Paul’s if there was no priest and I said no. There are solitary practices and everything can be communion with spirit. I enjoy the others but they are not why I attend. It is not a social connection for me.

Day 104

I dedicated yesterday to providing a lap for Della and Minnie. My body could not keep up with my intention to go to the police department and do my duty there. I did enjoy a couple of black and white movies. I’m hoping that today I can get outside and walk or pull weeds or at least, water my container gardens. I love my sun porches on these windy days. I don’t want to waste the spring sun.

Day 103

Chris is feeling better after her awful and eventful trip. I am about the same: undue fatigue, headache, cold etc. All the old symptoms from the long ago undiagnosed illness. Recurrences leave me feeling less well as though I can’t get back to where I was before.  I do what I have obligated myself to do as I don’t feel any better staying home. The Prayer Cycle CD is wonderful. I’m glad I followed through on finding it.

Day 102

The school play was amazing. I know what it takes to put on a production with kids and this one was wonderful. Hollie will leave Pine Grove on a high note. Today, after center duty, I will join them at Kid Town for the end of their picnic. The marine layer is firmly in place so I guess summer weather is back already. I have a few errands and then go home to a quiet and warm place.

Day 101

Today is the second graders play performance. I will go to watch them before museum duty. I’m hoping for interesting visitors. They are the best part of the day there. I like to hear their travel stories. There are summer fruits in the grocery stores and fresh local vegetables at the Wednesday farmers’ market. I intend to make good nutritious meals and give my body what it needs. I have things to do and need to feel well.

Day 100

On the paper route yesterday I took time to appreciate the huge rebuilding project at the harbor. The clean up after the Japanese tsunami took many months and now the new harbor is being created. There are mountains of VW sized boulders and cranes and pile drivers that are as tall as trees. Men are scattered everywhere, each doing his part. The working fishing fleet will have a new safe place to moor after their efforts at sea. 

Day 99

Monday again and I get to distribute 400 copies of the Senior News. I like my paper route as it gets me to places where volunteers work. I have been asked to keep on writing the column for the new editor. It was a push/pull for a while because I will miss Barbara and her tolerance for my playing with her themes. Kathy is the new editor. I do like having a monthly assignment. It keeps me writing.

Day 98

The New Zealand tea tree hedge needs a haircut. I bought a nice new pair of hedge clippers just for the occasion. I want to trim it before it goes crazy and needs professional help. The rain has made weeds grow too. I like to clean up the yard and make it look cared for and neat. Not much else on the agenda except the paper journal needs a catch-up time. I have sorting to do there too.

Day 97

After my massage yesterday I was more than a pancake, I was an amoeba! I told the dogs to fix their own dinner and could hardly wait for bedtime. Today I am rarin’ to go. Massage is medicine for me. Today I’m looking forward to farmer’s market with Hollie. Hoping for strawberries from the farm. They were wonderful last year. The market turns out to be a social event with lots of conversation and hugs. I enjoy it.

June Senior News

Way back in 1996 or so, whenever it was that I joined RSVP, I found a notice that the Senior News needed a distributer for Crescent City. As I was already planning a visit to my friend Alice Thrap in Eureka, I suggested to her that we find Barbara Clark’s office and learn more. There she was in her tiny office behind the pool tables in the basement of Humboldt Senior Resources on California Street. We talked a while and I said that some Del Norte news would create a readership and she said OK, you do it. In all these years, I have distributed 400 copies of the Senior News each month to various locations where seniors are likely to be and written essays about life with an emphasis on aging well and productively. I had written pieces for the Times-Standard’s Focus on 60 plus column and shared my writing with Barbara. I had to learn some computer skills that I hadn’t needed before then and how to send writing and photographs too.

Barbara and I became play friends with weekends of paper lanterns, banner books, altered books, all kinds of playing with paper and color. We shared our interest in dream work and Barbara came here to develop a dream group that included people that would not have otherwise had guidance in dreams. We shared journals and wrote together sometimes sitting on a log at the beach. We often decorated out journals with mandalas and poetry

Knowing Barbara as an editor and learning to follow her themes and word count were parts that I often violated and she patiently led me back. I like 500 words more than 400, feeling that I was leaving out an idea and learning to be concise as a reward. I do play with her themes. She says write about pets and I wrote pet peeves and pet projects. Well, it’s about pets, isn’t it? I will admit that I thought about retiring with her and am wondering if the new editor will put up with my foolishness. It would be a difficult transition except that I know it will mean that Barbara will have time for more play times. She wants to go along when I distribute the paper so she can see the places and people who look forward to the receive each new month’s issue. Here are exactly 400 words.