Day 310

Had an energy disconnect and spent the rest of yesterday flat. Today will be better and Kelle and I can walk. No agenda. An open day to do whatever we want. I’m hoping for the house chores like painting the front door. She offered to help clean out the garden shed. I’m not sure I’m up for that much work. I want to make the most of Kelle’s visit with fun activities. It’s her rest and vacation time. 

Day 309

No house chores but furniture moved around. Maybe today things can be accomplished. We did have a long warm walk. Kelle finally went through Battery Point Lighthouse. The other times she tried, it was closed. She liked the claw foot bathtub the best. I like the bedroom that looks on the ocean and the passing parade of whales and fishing boats. I’m enjoying Kelle’s visit. We will get out and walk again this afternoon after senior center duty.

Day 308

Hollie went with us and we had another good day with recreational shopping followed by CA burgers at Lucky Seven. It is a jumbo-sized meal that runs down the chin and also down the arms! I found new walking shoes, a couple of tops, and gray pants. Kelle buys socks there. After church, we are doing the house chores I’ve saved for her: the picket that fell out of the fence and the paint on the front door.

Day 307

I had strange dreams about being assertive with people who were trying to manipulate me into a combative scenario. I woke up feeling good about defending myself and telling the other person off. I wonder where that came from! I don’t have any drama going on in the daytime. Today Kelle and I are going to Brookings to shop. She likes to go to Freddie’s and always finds something she’s been looking for. I need good walking shoes.

Day 306

This weather has been perfect for walking. I enjoy getting out during the middle of the day when there is considerable heat in the Sun. I saw Tonda yesterday and had a blood test. Here’s hoping for a report that the values are up and I’m doing well with my routine. Today I’ll be out distributing Senior News and walking again. Kelle will have an I Ching reading with Eileen and a massage with Sarah. All is well.

Day 305

It was a good family day. The weather was warm and pleasant inside and outside. Megan and Butters were fun to be with and Meg’s cookies were delicious. The haunch of musk ox and roots, our traditional Christmas dinner, were perfect too. I enjoyed the tour of Hollie and Chuck’s property. The terraces and rock walls are well placed and well done. Kelle enjoyed the family dinner that had no stress and drama that she avoided at home.

Day 304

The dinner was fun, and satisfying. It gave me confidence that I can entertain on a small scale and that is something that I have wanted to do for a long time. The day was long and I felt a lack of energy so that by the time the friends left, I had to go to bed. No church service. I missed being there and my choice was the only one I could make. Family day today.

Day 303

Another busy day coming up. Hollie and I will shop for dinner tomorrow and the house will get a tidying for dinner this evening. Kelle fixed her signature lasagna and it’s going in the oven just in time for Karen and Chris’ arrival. Kelle’s family tradition is lasagna on Christmas Eve. Carol singing happens at church at 7 followed by the service. The church always looks festive with candles and greenery. No decorations in my house. Not one.

Day 302

Kelle arrived safely after her trip from Long Beach. Today, after my duty at the senior center, we will shop for the ingredients she needs for her lasagna for dinner tomorrow evening. She wants to walk a lot. Her job and family obligations keep her indoors most of the time so even in sunny southern Ca. she is vitamin D deficient. Thankfully the weather will work for walking with a bundle of clothes. It is winter after all.

Day 301

I learned yesterday that I don’t want to do my own housework. Yes, I can do it and I would rather pay someone to do it for me. I’ve been acting as if it’s exercise, and it is, and it drains my energy for the rest of the day. Maybe when I feel healthier, it will be fun again. I do enjoy the feeling of looking around and knowing that I have taken good care of my home.

Day 300

Winter Solstice Day, shortest day, nine hours of light, and the Sun’s Birthday. Now we can add a couple of new light minutes each day and celebrate every one of them. Meanwhile, plans must be made for Kelle’s visit. She is an easy houseguest who takes care of herself without a fuss. This is her rest and relaxation place where she can read and walk without family or work interfering. I support her leaving her stress at home.

Day 299

I’m gearing up for Kelle’s visit. Today I will clean her room. I have a grocery list and errands that will make me comfortable too. I am alone so much that having another person in house takes getting used to, again. We have plans. She likes to have a project and that will depend on the weather. If it’s dry, I may get her to paint the window frames that I didn’t do last summer. We’ll have fun.

Day 298

I was able to write “good day” in the log book again. I love to write that. Too many days say less positive things about how I’m doing with my health. The walks feel so good and knowing that they are also for the dogs gets me motivated. I’m better at doing things for other people than for myself. I have to remind myself that I don’t feel any better when I’m sitting still and staring at TV.

Day 297

It was over 70 in Brookings. The dogs were cared for at the vet: Minnie for  rabies vaccination and Della for parvo. Today I will register the microchips on line. After shopping we went to Chan’s for lunch. It was Kim’s favorite place. We met there often. Hollie and I have both had him on our minds a lot. I keep telling him to go, get well, and figure out how all the awful things happened to him.

Day 296

Hollie and I are going to Brookings this morning. The dogs are having microchips implanted and Minnie will get her rabies vaccination. One day last week the gate was open when I came home. Minnie was next door snooping in the yard and Della was sitting in the driveway. She jumped in the car and Minnie came tearing around the fence. It frightened me. The chips will help just in case. A little shopping and lunch will follow.

Day 295

This morning the internet was out! I wandered like I was looking for my best friend. OK, I’m dependent on the connection from my kitchen to the world. At church I asked Fr. David for prayers for the Fukashima workers and there was a raise in consciousness about this world disaster. Praying is about the only thing we can do. Yesterday’s storyteller was interesting. I like to listen to stories and these were Native American explanations about nature.

Day 294

Hollie came to practice tai chi chih and it didn’t work. We don’t know enough yet to do it without a guide. We’ll get it with a couple more lessons. It looks simpler than it is. I watched a bunch of smarmy predictable Christmas movies that are designed to produce holiday spirit. That’s as close as I’m going to engage in the Christmas rush. After church I’m going to the historical society meeting. The program is a storyteller.

Day 293

The fog is right down to the ground. The street lights give off an eerie glow. Today I want to get outside and do something in the yard. It shows the lack of attention. There are needs like trimming the hedge and cutting down the hydrangeas. They are all dried up and brown. The new fence line needs a plan. I may want a couple of apple trees or something that doesn’t need any care like tea trees.

Day 292

A day with no agenda. I want to use it well. There have been many lost hours lately and I don’t like the feeling when the day is over. I’ve had the paper journal open on the table all week waiting to write about coping with the seasonal droop. I need to move more and eat less. Food is close and legal but the result is not satisfying. I feel happier when I am taking care of myself. 

Day 291

Surprised at how the hour of standing vertically, gently moving my weight from front to back on my feet, and using arm movements that are small and slow, can make me as tired physically as half on the treadmill. The stretching, the relaxation, and the focus last for hours. I’m enjoying the tai chi chih practice. Hollie and I will practice together on Saturday after her water therapy. I’m confident about half of the movements without a guide.

Day 290

Yesterday was kind of flat. The high point was the massage with Karen. She adds to my well-being with more than the massage. She adds energy to her movements. I confessed to symptoms of depression and she reframed it as hibernation, a natural response to the season. Oriah’s post this morning talked about the uneasiness that assails many people this time of year. I’m not alone with the memories, physical flatness, and free-floating anxiety. It’s a difficult time.

Day 289

Still uncomfortably cold inside and outside. A slight warming trend is on its way. I’ll be happy with 40! Our recorder teacher is taking a month off and gave us a bunch of homework. I want to learn to play the instrument and the learning curve is steep. It seems to take a lot longer to get muscle memory as I get older. It’s true for the tai chi chih movements too. I want to do both well.

Day 288

Monday, Monday and it’s a couple of degrees warmer. I’m looking forward to eating the fresh crab that Steve brought last evening. He cleaned and cooked it too, making even more of a special gift. Last year Gene brought live crabs and I did the whole thing. Not my favorite. I enjoy crab once a year. Had a long talk with Kelle about her visit in two weeks. She likes to have a project while she is here.

Day 287

We had fun and sold a lot of stuff too. It was a brisk walk that made pink cheeks. Chris and Jon made it to Portland through the snow and are now in Hawaii for a week! I have no desire to travel even to a sunny place with warm breezes. Today is a day to practice the recorder and tai chi after church. It’s the only way to get both exercises firmly in mind and muscle memory.

Day 286

And Dr. E. says the retina is stable. The breaks occurred in 1989 and after three laser spot welds, it is holding just fine. It was a bleak day and today is the same. I will walk to the fairgrounds for the Christmas bazaar to work in the historical society display with Rick Bennett. We like to work together. It is usually a social occasion and I enjoy the crowds. That space calls for warm clothes and coffee.

Day 285

Another freezing morning. I live here to avoid cold and hot weather. What’s going on? There may even be some white stuff here this evening. That I can definitely do without. I wrote my January column yesterday and I like it. It will go off to Kathy in a few minutes. I see Dr. E. this afternoon. He will dilate my eyes for the annual peek into the retina. I’m hoping he will say that it is stable.

Day 284

The Tai Chi Chih looks so relaxed and slow, only slight weight transfer from front to back with the feet and minimal arm movements. So why is it so exhausting? It must be the concentration on breathing and maintaining the pace. I like the practice. I feel it is beneficial to all my systems. Hollie and I will stay with it. It’s fun to do something with her regularly since there is no longer a school time together.

Day 283

Journal time was great. Chris served Earl Grey Cream tea and baklava while we read and talked. Carol looks a bit better and will see her doctor later this month. It was a chatty day with visits and errands. I like days with a variety of people and activity. Chris brought me turkey pot pie and it was delicious. My neighbors include me often and it’s the first time that I can remember that feeling. I am blessed.

Day 282

I’m finding the recorder class stimulating. Maybe it’s learning a new skill or maybe it’s increasing my breathing. I do get tired by the end of the hour and sort of squeak the high notes. I will keep up with the lessons. Today is J Street Journals at Chris’ house. Carol, Chris, and I catch up with our personal lives. I don’t have anything new to share. I’ll look in the doc file and find an old one.

The Glories of Morning  

One of the best things about retirement is waking up naturally.  In the years since I lived by the clock, I have used my alarm clock only a dozen times!  All the other mornings I have awakened when I was ready to move from the restfulness of night into the busyness of day.  The word morning comes from the word morn.  It is a verb and it means the purity of rejuvenation; being made young again. Now my body knows that my age is the same as when I went to bed the night before but my mind and spirit get to have that brief but fascinating interval before fully awakening.  It is a time of waiting and preparation for the coming day.  Dreams come back and want attention, plans for coming events are reviewed, incomplete agenda are questioned, and imagination has its time in the spotlight of consciousness.

Mornings are so essential to my well-being that I protect them.  I do this by rarely making any appointments before 10 A. M.  The morning routine is more like a ritual and I hold it dear. When I am fully conscious, I want to spring out of bed and greet the day.  Sometimes the spring feels as if it has sprung, but the mind is willing to be confident and optimistic.  When anyone says, “Have a good day”, my reply is, “Of course I will.  That’s why I got out of bed this morning!”  People smile.

First comes letting the dogs outside to make their rounds of the yard and report any findings.  Then I go to the CD collection and randomly select one.  Often I don’t look at what I have chosen.  I simply know that whatever it is, it will be perfect for my mood. When I have ground up the coffee beans and started the machine, I turn on my computer, then go to the front porch and collect the morning papers.  I read my e-mail and respond.  I love e-mail.  I can be out in the world and sitting in my pajamas at the same time. After a scan of the papers, usually avoiding hard news, my journals get their attention.  I keep at least two journals, one as a logbook, one with commentaries, and the blog.  The logbook is a 10+ year with only four lines per day.  The fun part is looking back at previous years to see what I was up to. I keep track of the weather with little symbols.  In the commentary journal, I write about how I feel about the events I record in the logbook.  One reason for this is to have more of the things/people/activities that I enjoy in each day. After whatever time it takes to doodle, paste in pictures, add a stamp or a sticker, and document my life, I am ready for the outdoors and the appreciation of this beautiful place where I get to live.  Not one day goes by without a visit to the ocean.  I enjoy each of its many moods, colors, and energies.  After all of these personally satisfying elements of making myself young again, I am ready to go out and conquer the world!

Day 281

Rainy morning. Smells good outside. I’ll get practice on the recorder in this morning so I do well at the lesson this evening. It will be a small group at the senior center as it is not a favorite menu. I like my job of greeting and making people feel good about being there. And I can finish the last of the senior news distribution. I’m looking forward to a busy week with people after this slow week. 

Day 280

December 1, the beginning of Advent, the day I stop going to stores except quick trips for groceries, and the darkest days of the year. After church, I am going to do more sorting and deleting. I’m on a roll. The plan is to collect unnecessary stuff and when Kelle is here, I’ll call Daily Bread Ministries to come and get it. They are still my favorite charity since their help when Kim died. Everybody wins that way.

December Senior News 

Remember when your Mother told you not to play in your food? There just might be some creative ways to do it. Even though I’m not recommending finger painting with chocolate syrup, I am suggesting a recreational shopping trip to your grocery store. Plan a quiet shopping time away from times when lines are long and shoppers are in a hurry. You will want to mosey along looking from top to bottom in all the aisles. It’s important to go to the shelves that are not on your usual path. That is where gems of new ideas may be waiting. Take time to see what brings curiosity about the possibilities of new taste treats.

I started at a cold case where I spotted fresh pasta. There is a soy noodle called shiritaki that caught my eye. Good for people who don’t eat wheat. There were cooking instructions on the package. I’m glad I had my glasses with me. The print was small. I moved on to packaged greens. Greens are nutritious and I was glad to see kale, chard, spinach along with the usual lettuce. There are fresh herbs bundled with labels that have recipe ideas on them. The bread display is amazing. A whole wall of choices. I picked up whole grain pita bread and Killer Dave bread to try. Another large selection appeared in the soup department. I often use boxed chicken broth and here were vegetable and beef too along with seasoned mixes of Mexican, Thai, and Chinese flavors. That brings up exciting menu ideas. Off to the ethnic aisle with a huge sauce display. I found orange sauce, Kung Pao, spicy blends, Thai peanut  sauce, sweet and sour, and red curry, all with recipes on the label. Those will wake up the taste buds for sure. Down the aisle were the grains. I use pearl barley and rice but there are so many varieties of both, and  rice mixes that are seasoned with exotic spices and herbs. I found grains that I didn’t know before this excursion such as red quinoa, farro, Arborio. Couscous, and basmati. Altogether I had twelve new items in my grocery cart and a whole new appreciation for the fact that world foods are available right here in my grocery store. Since most foods have recipes and serving suggestions on their products, I don’t have to look far for how to incorporate them into my diet. I only have 400 words so the rest of the discoveries are yours.

Day 279

I’m in another sorting and deleting mood. I took care of the shelves by the kitchen table yesterday and like the new uncluttered look. I have pockets of unused items and enjoy the empty spaces when I move them on. I gave Megan the vita-mixer. It hasn’t been out of the cupboard in years and she will use it for years to come. I can change how I use the space where it was hiding. Simple is good.

Day 278

Hollie, Megan, three dogs, and I had a lovely close family day and were grateful for it. Butters was the center of attraction with my dogs intense about giving him a thorough inspection. They did get more relaxed as the day went on with Butters getting bolder with the aunties. Megan’s computer program is a work of art and I was pleased when she said I inspired  it when I gave her a expense sorting expense assignment years ago.

Day 277

Another clear day with an east wind. All the ingredients for dinner are right here waiting for the preparation to begin. Megan is coming with her puppy, Butters. I’m hoping for a warm family feeling to the day. Hollie and I will get the 13 pound turkey in the oven and then the rest waits until later. Megan makes the mashed potatoes, Hollie is bringing biscuits and squash. I have munchables like kale chips and pita with hummus.

Day 276

We will prepare for Thanksgiving today. I will clear off the kitchen table as it is a repository for papers, books, orchids, light box, various tasks to be done, and I like to see the surface now and then. Hollie and I will get a turkey and the few items we use now. Scaling back has been a good thing. We used to go big and made too much of everything. Now we simply fix a delicious dinner.

Day 275

Megan sent her history essay. She is an excellent writer and put it together in a cogent way. She is loving school. I know that I enjoyed school more when I was an older student too. There was an appreciation of learning that I didn’t have when I was younger. It seems that way for Megan too. And Hollie. We were all older students and we knew we would get our educations despite the obstacles. We are thrivers.

Day 274

The days go fast. Every day I mark off the past on the kitchen calendar. It’s a habit I’ve had since I was a child. It means I can begin again. Yesterday is the past and except for sipping cherry cordial with Chris and a long call with Kelle, it was not a day that I want to memorialize. I simply didn’t have anything to work with as far as physical energy is concerned. Today I’m doing better.

Day 273

The prescription wasn’t there so I’ll take care of it tomorrow. I enjoyed the warm day and the treat of going out without layers of clothes. Today the agenda is open. After church, it’s up to me how to use the day. I do have all the parts for the January column and can put it together. The research was personal stories from friends about how they celebrate holidays. I hope to inspire readers to write their stories.

Day 272

The east wind yesterday was a treat. Imagine going out without a coat in November. It was 70! The east wind is still with us this morning and I’m looking forward to walking with the dogs. Della won’t need her sweater. Hollie and I had a recreational shopping trip yesterday and Chinese lunch. I enjoy her company. We find lots to discuss and laugh about. Today I will get the prescription and see how the discount card works.

Day 271

Yesterday was a good day. Haven’t reported that for a while. I felt acknowledged and included and I need that occasionally. Sometimes I feel invisible and then I get a rush of responses that prove I am here and I count. Today I will play catch up again. After a few quiet days, the daily needs are still there waiting to be filled. Hoping to spend time with Hollie when she finishes her school duty. Maybe lunch too.

Day 270

I love my house. It’s a good thing to do my own housework. I get used to letting things slide when I know it’s time for Crystal to come and do it. I actually enjoyed using the vacuum cleaner yesterday. Had to look for the on-off switch. All the little rugs are clean, the corners are free of dog hair, swept the porches. There were cobwebs in the window corners. I will be glad when she comes back!

Day 269

I was not quite slothful yesterday. I did push buttons on the dishwasher, and the washer and dryer. Felt good to stay in my jammies all day. A day off now and then is a good thing as long as it doesn’t become the norm. Today I will move, do a bit of housework, shop for vegetables, take care of details that I noticed yesterday and did not act on them. The journal is calling for more color. 

Day 268

The Senior Center was a chatty place yesterday. Hollie dropped in unexpectedly and I enjoyed her a lot. Chris decided not to go to recorder lessons any longer. I’m enjoying the group and I feel that the practice is good for my breathing and for my brain. Learning a musical instrument is supposed to be one of the best ways to create new synapses. The other is learning a foreign language. I have no interest in doing that.

Day 267

Yesterday I went to a musical written by Ruth Rhodes, a CR English professor. It was called “This Is Crescent City” and it was thought provoking and to the point. In obviously untrained voices, the players told some of the darker stories in our history: the treatment of native people, the expulsion of the Chinese, the impact of Pelican Bay Prison, the relocation of the Hmong people after the CIA war, and the underemployment issues. It's well done.

Day 266

After hesitating about joining my recorder class for the talent show at the SDA church, I’m so glad that I went. The food was delicious vegan fare, the people were friendly and casual, and the piece we played went well. There was lots of laughing and good conversation. I’m so used to saying no to opportunities that I forget that I can do more than I think I can. And I know my health is improving every day.

Day 265

My intention dwindled. Began well then went downhill and right into the rut. What would I be doing/having if I crawled out of the rut, filled it in, planted flowers on top of it and walked away? That is the dilemma. I don’t know what I want or could do/be/have. As my health and energy improve, the restlessness grows and then I sit down and do nothing. I did add interest to my paper journal with a collage.

Day 264

Today is open to spontaneous events. I just feel that something new is about to happen and it will be fun. I am paying attention, ready to engage. Whatever comes along I will accept that there is a positive intent. First I have to show up and that might only be going to the store and I will be mindful of my surroundings and my curiosity. Or I might spend another day stuck in a rut. My choice.

Day 263

I enjoyed the moon and stars last night. The problem was that it was 6:30 PM! Days are shrinking rapidly. Never did feel well yesterday and had a bit of vertigo too. Better today and ready for senior center duty and a massage with Karen. I dislike wasting a day feeling unwell. Hard to enjoy the many blessings in my life. I generated an idea for the January column in senior news. My brain was alive and well.

Day 262

Started the day unwell with headache and upset digestive system. I didn’t earn it. I have things I want to do today and being sick isn’t one of them. An Imitrex injection is working on the headache. The sick gut will take care of itself. Later, Hollie is coming and we have planned a light lunch before walking to tai chi chih class. I played with color in the paper journal yesterday and want to do more today. 

Day 261

Rainy morning. Today the J Street Journals meet here. It is mainly a social tea with Chris and Carol. We catch up with each other and read a poem or writing of our own and one from someone else. Today I have a brief Mary Oliver poem. “Instructions for living a life: Pay Attention, Be Astonished, Tell About It.” It reminds me of Angeles Arien’s advice: “Show Up, Listen, Tell Your Truth, Don’t Be Attached To The Outcome.”

Alone on the beach

Gray with a lemony tinge,

Foam blowing across the sand,

I, vulnerable as a shell-cast crab

Scrabble into hiding

Waiting for the newness to harden

Over my expanded awareness.

Eager to keep eyes off my process,

Hands off my softness,

Scuttle toward the protection of Sea Treasures;

Old and transformed wood,

Logs changed by churning

Knots of growth and hearts

Strong against relentless scouring.

Treading carefully over cast-offs

Detritus of human existence,

Wind sweeping energy into my defenseless body

Causing hurry into the unknown.

Chords of power from the sky

Pushing only onward

Away from what was

Tears

From wind or wonder

Sadness

From want or hope

To find a Place

Where the new shell can grow

Spaces within

Knowing

The shell will fill and break again.

Day 260

Sunday opened with a spectacular cerise and lavender-gray sunrise that was followed by ground level cold fog. Della wore the sweater that Chris made for her as she is not a hairy dog like Minnie. The walk was brisk and the air was refreshing. I had a quiet day only broken by practicing the recorder for class this evening. Chris had Jon bring me a delicious serving of her chicken pot pie. I certainly chose my neighbors well.

Day 259

Joel Osteen preached about deleting people and places that are weights and drags. His airplane metaphor stressed being one who lifts and thrusts oneself and others. I think that I do that from my position at the senior center. It takes about three seconds to brighten eyes and make pink cheeks with words of greeting and acknowledgement. Meanwhile, I’m in a rut at this time and could use a lift-off myself. I need to feel creative choices again.

Day 258

Saturday errands today. I want to do another recreational shopping trip through Wild Rivers. I want to find a snack that will fit Carol’s strict dietary needs for the journal group. That’s the best place to find such an item. Yesterday I sorted the storage cupboard and deleted unused glassware to take to a thrift shop along with the bags I took out of the closet. I like keeping things simple and neat. There are other niches calling.

Day 257

Yesterday Larry asked me why I stay in C. City. He left for a warmer climate and outdoor activities. I said when I walk I get five or six buddy waves, I have my friends, family, groups, interests and I know how to live here. I wish there was more sun and warm days and have no real interest in moving. It’s daunting to think of leaving, finding a place to live and belong as I do here.

Day 256

The Tai Chi Chih class with Hollie was just what we wanted for an activity together. We are both interested in learning it and practicing between the group lessons. I need the balance and breathing components. For what looks like a gentle slow set of movements, I felt it everywhere. Today I want to spend time tidying up the kitchen. Since Crystal is on leave from her house cleaning job, I pay daily attention and keep things done.

Day 255

There was a noticeable shift yesterday that began with moving furniture. That’s a sure sign that change is happening. My office/orchidarium space is open and roomy with deleting one shelf unit and consolidating the plants. The unfinished loose threads from the last week were knitted together without anxiety. The phone calls were special treats. Karen, Megan, and Cillay filled me in on their lives. I’m grateful for connections with e-mail, and next to face-to-face I enjoy phone calls.

Day 254

I had a better day in spite of a holiday bazaar, sugar treats, and a lot of visitors. When I have energy, I can enjoy just about anything. There were a couple of missed connections and that’s OK too as Mercury is doing its dizzy dance. Today I will do research for my column on food. The approach is playing in the grocery store with a curious open mind to the infinite possibilities for new and exciting menus.

Day 253

What is it that follows a really good day? Oh, I remember; a not so good one. Church was my only activity for the whole day. This morning I was awake before 4 AM. The time change messes up the sleep schedule and the dog mealtimes too. Senior Center duty today. I’m hoping it’s quiet. No band, no crazy costumes, no bake sale to sugar up the folks. Then a long dog walk in the brisk autumn afternoon.

Day 252

Yesterday I learned again how liberated I feel when I have let go of no longer useful items. My bedroom is completely refreshed. I am working toward making good choices all the time and giving up instant gratification in view of the long term goal of improved health. An occasional spoonful of peanut butter will still fill the empty space but I’ll use a smaller spoon. I want to end the day with self-respect for choices I’ve made.

Day 251

Sarah gave me a massage that probably left bruises!  Off I went to distribute the Senior News and, as usual, it was a social occasion. I enjoy running into friends while I’m out doing my job. I ran into Gene and Marlene twice. That was a boon. I signed papers for them at the bank and we met buying pizza. It’s raining this morning and I will keep my promise to empty the closet, make choices, and delete.

Day 250

Day 250

It was a horror show. The old folks get just as hyper and loud when they have sugar as kids do. Add the late lunch and the band and my ears didn’t stop ringing for hours. I want a good day. Just let me do what I say I’ll do without giving up and sitting instead. New page on the calendar and in the paper journal. I’m ready to have a positive attitude and take care of myself.

November Senior News

Creating does not mean that a masterpiece must be painted, the next best seller must be written, the sculpture must resemble Michelangelo, or that a lot of materials are needed. Creating means getting in touch with the Spark that is always present and waiting for attention. Maybe the Spark has not been visible since Kindergarten when creating was natural. To get to that freedom again requires a few things and a playful attitude. It could be an opportunity to share with a friend.

Take a walk down the aisles dedicated to art supplies or craft materials and see what appeals to that inner creator. It might be a box of crayons and a coloring book, or a paint box with a pad of paper. Mixing paint in the little pans can make a beautiful rainbow. It does not require a block of marble, hammer and chisel to sculpt. Michelangelo took off the parts that were not David. Take a bar of Ivory soap and a potato peeler and take off the parts that are not a bear. The shavings can go in the washer later. Not a big investment and it is fun. Dinosaurs can come out of a lump of modeling clay with ease. Play dough feels good to handle and interesting thingamajigs can emerge with smiles. There are recipes for homemade play dough on the internet. It is another inexpensive creative play material. A roll of plain shelf paper can become a mural or for the bold creators, a place for finger painting with liquid starch and a dab of tempera paint. Imagine the fun of making gloves out of the wonderful texture and color of the finger paint. Paper beads can be made out of old wrapping paper, especially the foil kind. Just roll tiny triangles of paper around a toothpick that has been rubbed with waxed paper. A bead of white glue holds the paper in place. After the beads dry, pull them off the toothpicks. They can be strung together and attached to bookmarks or name tags, or made into bracelets.

Once I took art classes with 6 and 7 year old children. They didn’t mind that I was a bit older than they were. The instructor at the art gallery where the classes were held presented a different media and different techniques each time so we students were exposed to a variety of creative choices. Surprise yourself by going out and providing your Spark with ways to play creatively.

Day 249

I’m still looking for a good day. Yes, I did get a walk plus changed my car insurance and the headache lurked. Today will be noisy again at the senior center. I’m sure there will be costumes among the diners and more than the usual number. I am edgy and notice no tolerance for hollow instead of hallow when saying the name of the holiday. It’s another sign of mediocrity in our culture. Oh well, it’s over tomorrow.

Day 248

The day will bring a new activity. Hollie and I are going to Tai Chi class this afternoon. We like to have time together at least once a week. Now that the farm boxes are done, this might be a good thing for us. Today I will buy a nice little pork roast to put in my new iron pot. The chicken I roasted in the old iron pot was absolutely delicious. I’m so ready to feel well.

Day 247

Phil turned out to be flaky. Glad I found out before he moved into the guest house. Not feeling very well. Headaches and low physical energy. Even though going back to bed is inviting, what’s true is I will go out, walk, do errands, and shop. Yesterday the senior center folks were loud. My head was ringing when I arrived home. It was wonderful to sit in silence with two warm dogs on my lap. Another day begins.

Day 246

The migraine that ruined yesterday is threatening again. I did recover enough to meet Phil and show him the guest-house. He will come and live here as soon as he takes care of his property. I asked for a long term tenant and here he is. I missed church. I get a lot from the service as I follow the litany. I enjoy Fr. David’s humor and his asides to explain what he is doing at the altar.

Day 245

I decided I wanted to go to the Happiness workshop with Chris. I declined at first because it was scheduled for seven hours and I don’t do anything for that long. It was a good thing that I went because I processed my anger about the iron problem and resentments at both the blood bank and the doctors who didn’t diagnose my condition. By saying “Even though I lost years of energy, what’s true is I helped people.”

Day 244

In spite of the cold fog outside, I’m ready to bundle up and walk to the last market. It’s sure to be a social occasion and I’m in the mood for catching up with old friends. And I’m hoping for one last pesto roll and another bunch of dino kale. After the energy slump, the priority feels like move more and sit less. I need to remember that sitting is the new smoking. It can kill. I’ll move.

Day 243

Today is the last farm box from Ocean Air Farm. Twenty weeks of fresh produce ends for the season. Tomorrow is the last Farmers’ Market too. That officially makes the harvest over and the resting time begins. I think back to the excitement over the first box when the season opens and the progression of contents with the summer changes. It changes menus to soup instead of salad. The dark calls for spicy dishes to warm the insides.

Day 242

Another foggy cold day. And dark early too. Yes, the down comforter is back on the bed and the candles set out for sure. Back to fuzzy undershirts and going outside bundled up and gloved. Della has a sweater that Chris made for her. That and her harness on top will keep her warm. Chris also made apple crisp with ice cream and we shared by the fireplace yesterday. Warm treat and warm friendship. Good combination. I’m fortunate.

Day 241

Yesterday was busy and non-productive. I did find red curry paste and that’s all. The store was crowded with cartons and I couldn’t find anything to try. I spent over an hour on the phone attempting to change my prescription insurance. I need more information about a change that I want to make before I can get plugged in for next year. Crystal came to clean and to say that she is taking time away from her jobs.

Day 240

We played all the music we know on our recorders and it sounded good. Making  progress with the fingers finding their places quickly. The breathing is good for me. Today Susanne and I are going on a field trip to the Asian market to scope out new flavorings. I want to find rice wine vinegar and check out the curry pastes. Although I‘ve driven by the market countless times, this will be the first time to shop there.

Day 239

The cooking demo was fun. It was like going into a friend’s kitchen and watching a meal in progress. It was casual and people in the audience piped up with questions and additions to the recipes. I enjoyed Rick Finley and his low key humor as he talked about hummus and tabouli. The walk-around tasting part was  interesting and it was inspiring. I get in a rut with meals and need to investigate new flavors like red curry.

Day 238

After the morning house routine, and watering the orchids, I’ll go to church for my check in. Then something new this afternoon. I’m going to the Adventist church for a cooking demonstration called “Around the World” featuring international recipes. It will be vegetarian. Actually, it will be vegan as that is the teaching of their church. I’m going to meet friends from the senior center who are fun to be with. I hope it will inspire my cooking.

Day 237

I didn’t move yesterday. Today is already better and I know I can get busy with what I need to do. I ordered reacted iron capsules. Maybe this will not tear up my digestive system and I can move on to new interests. I’m tired of focusing on my health. I want social contacts and new volunteer places and people. I have lost all the time and opportunities that I’m willing to lose. Time to go forward again.

Day 236

Today I’m going to hunt for cast iron pots. I gave mine away when I purchased stainless steel cookware. I don’t want to start a new iron pot as it takes so long to season one. There are a couple of thrift stores and I’ll find a good one already to go. I will use it for soup, sauces, beans, and hope the trace amounts of iron that infuse the foods will help my cause. I’ll try everything.

Day 235

 Today is Senior Center duty after a week at home. Then the treat, a massage with Karen. I look forward to massages for the health benefit and to quiet the need to be touched. After talking with Tonda yesterday, I am stuck with the WHY about being ineligible for iron infusions even if I pay for them. I don’t know where to go to find out the answer. Meanwhile, I feel the need to warn other blood donors.

Day 234

I’m loving these warm fall days. After all the glitches yesterday morning, the day was a good one. Dragons can be slain when they show up one at a time. I just get rattled when there are too many of them. The security system problem was fixed by telephone. The telephone problem caused that glitch. The prescription delay was handled from the office. Barbara Clark helped me make sense of the disturbing dream. My awful bad mood lifted.

Day 233

Two new notes for the recorder. I had trouble keeping up during the lesson. I know I need a lot of practice to teach my fingers where to go. It’s a brain exercise. Staying home for these days had been a good thing. I feel better and am making an effort to include all the health routine that I know support healing. Walking and  PT exercising have already made a difference. I want to get my zing back.

Day 232

Column submitted, Muses have color. Walk, spa, eat well. A good Sunday and I can do it again. I did a few of the PT exercises and really felt how much my body needs the discipline of a regular routine. I benefit quickly from taking care of myself. I need to practice the recorder and find the F# in time to play the tune. The closet is crowded and needs attention and I’ll wait for a rainy day. 

Day 231

I did get the above produce and the pesto rolls too. It was a day for walking and visiting along the way. Then I have to admit that the day dwindled down to rest and relax. My journal is still waiting patiently for the pages to have color and words about the Muses. And the column is still in my mind and not on paper yet. Today I can catch up and move ahead. New day, new promise.

Day 230

Today I’m definitely walking to the farmers’ market. There are only two left in the season. It usually turns into a social event and I like that part too. Maybe Brandon will be there with his pesto rolls. Yum. String beans, tomatoes, red onions, dino kale, and red potatoes. I am ready to write the column on creative play. Once I get a theme in my head, it begins to form. I will try out all the ideas.

Day 229

I called the blood bank and said that my service was ended. With a diet full of beans, greens, and grains, I can restore the iron.  I have errands and will research my next senior news column. I’m thinking about creative play. I’ll stroll down the toys, crafts, and art sections of a couple stores and see if any ideas pop. I like the idea of suggesting coloring books and paint boxes. They are inexpensive ways of playing. 

Day 228

I know now why my energy tanks. It’s the result of blood donations even though I did not donate more often than the rules allow. Infusions are out of sight because the insurance won’t pay because I am not anemic and I have been a donor. I’ll find out how much infusions cost and balance that against waiting for up to two years for the iron storage to be back to normal with only food to replenish them.

Day 227

I was busy alright but not the way I wanted to be. Day started with water coming out of the washer. Tim, the fixer, found a hose that looked like it had been chewed by a r-a-t. Ick. It did afford me an opportunity to clean behind the appliances and there was lots of dust, webs, etc. to clean. Today Hollie and go to Eureka for my hematologist appointment, lunch, shopping, and seeing Megan at work.

Day 226

We learned a new note in recorder class, F sharp. That makes six notes! Now we can play more little ditties. I’m enjoying the class. Chris and I practiced together and that was fun too. I have to catch up today. With the “sinking spell” come piles of things that need more attention than I have energy to deal with them. I’m hoping for a better day and less sitting and wishing I was able to be busy. 

Day 225

Looking forward to a busy day. I seem to have recovered my physical energy and am ready to complete the unfinishedness of the past few days. I get to take my certificate from the driving course to the insurance agent to keep the discount. I need to buy forever stamps as I cling to mailing bills. I might want to learn how to pay on-line, maybe later. I guess I still don’t trust the safety of cyber space 

Day 224

Yesterday was an unused day. I sat without the oomph to get up and not enough wind to practice the recorder. Today is already better so the fallow day was useful. I have fresh vegetables to prepare and enjoy along with the rest of the massaged kale and avocado salad full of garlic and ground pepper. Even when I’m flat, I can still fix food. The best part was when the hot chocolate chip cookies from next-door arrived. 

Day 223

Sometimes wanting to do something is not enough. Yesterday I had an energy slump that I could not overcome with willpower so Minnie and Della missed out on being blessed. Oh well, I can bless them. Maybe today I can find my get-up-and-go. I would like to walk to the farmers’ market in case there are still a few Kerbyville peaches left. Fall is upon us and the produce is changing to potatoes and winter squashes.

Day 222

Della has signaled the presence of mice behind the washer-dryer. I put down sticky traps and sure enough, there were a couple of the field mouse types. I don’t feed the birds so there is no attractive seed and took everything out of the garden shed that might feed unwanted guests. The first rains and cold nights bring them. Today is the Blessing of the Animals in honor of St. Francis. But first, a massage with Sarah.

Day 221

Cool morning. Turned on the heater for a half-hour. It will be another great day for a long walk after senior center duty. Nothing new or exciting going on. I’ll settle for predictable and comfortable. I started “Creative is a Verb” and enjoyed Patti’s storytelling talent. Googled the Muses and wrote their names and their area of inspiration and have two pages in the journal to write haiku about each of them. I want them to visit me.

Day 220

It was a busy and very good day. Managed to socialize along the route with the papers. I had two walks and a spa too. I like days with parts, active, quiet, people, alone. I made an October page in my journal and wrote a Tarot reading that was positive about continuing to improve and heal. Today is full as I enjoy the first Wednesday with no volunteer duty anywhere. I’ll look for a new placement in January.

Day 219

New month, October. The Halloween frenzy has already begun. The original celebration is long forgotten. Now it’s about candy and costumes. It began as a remembrance day for departed souls. Today I am installing fire extinguishers in both houses. It’s a long planned agenda item. Then off to distribute Senior News. I’m disappointed that my photo wasn’t used along with my article. I thought it was a good one of Wulf House. I’ll finish the driving course too.

October article for Senior News

Although Crescent City lost historic homes in the 1964 tsunami, and some have gone in the name of progress, there are still many old and restored homes to see and enjoy. I live on J Street and there are more older homes than contemporary ones on this street. My house is over 70 years old as are the other Craftsman style homes up and down the street. Among them are five houses over 100 years old.  They are restored and well-maintained. These old houses are made entirely of Redwood except for fir flooring. Most are full of antique furnishings that fit the age of the house.

I picked Anna Wulf House to research. It was built in 1898. The original Hansen family lived in it briefly and sold it to family friend, Anna Wulf, who was Godmother to the four little girls. She lived in it until 1963 after years of giving piano lessons and providing lodging to young women. There is no notation about when indoor plumbing and electricity were added and we know that a well and water storage tank were on the property. With all the conveniences in place, it was a comfortable home. It then belonged to another family for the next 40 years. In 1998 the Gary’s put in a foundation and filled the house with period furnishings that remain there today. An outbuilding that was originally a carriage house is now an apartment. Wulf House became a Bed and Breakfast in 2007. Mitzi Stephens and her daughter, Paula, are the hostesses. The house has also been the site of fund raising events for local non-profits such as Habitat for Humanity. Keeping the paint fresh is a constant job. The south sides of our houses take the brunt of winter storms. The paint must withstand the constant attacks to protect the integrity of the siding. Original windows have been replaced with double panes to help with heating costs and to keep out the drafts so caulking is also a regular chore. Landscaping is another constant in keeping houses healthy. Wulf House has beautifully kept gardens that complement to overall grandeur of the property.

My old house needs all that care too, just in smaller amounts. The wiring and plumbing have been replaced, modern windows installed, foundation poured, bushes cut down, modern heating added and yet it has the old fashioned comfort of years of happy living.

Day 218

I had the first lesson in centering prayer. I need to establish a time and place and keep the intention as a priority. Today is calmer outside so getting around won’t be so slick. After the senior center duty, I will get busy on finishing the driving tests. Yesterday I chose to watch the last Giants game of the season. They played better after they were out of contention for the play-offs. I guess the pressure was gone.

Day 217

The coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. I’m feeling kind of fuzzy. Can’t quite get out of the stormy night dreams. I want to do more reading in Intimacy with God and hope Father David has a space for a personal lesson in centering prayer.  After church I will do a couple more driving course segments. I want to finish by tomorrow and get the certificate to the insurance company. The weather is wet and windy and feels abrasive.

Day 216

It’s moody outside. A Pineapple Express is due this afternoon with its heavy rain and wind. It’s warm and sticky already. I will work on the AARP driving test on-line. I did four segments yesterday. I like leaving the computer, being active, and then returning to do more. Shopping this morning to ensure staying in during the storm. Might cook ahead in case of outage. Maybe a quick trip to farmers’ market for the last of the peaches.

Day 215

Besides walking and PT exercises, I will exercise my brain too. I’ll take the AARP drivers’ test on-line to requalify for the insurance discount. Every little bit helps. The paper journal has been engaging again. I feel as if I reconnected with an old friend. My energy is better and it’s from focusing on iron-rich foods. I want to change my health and prescription carriers too. It feels so good to have evidence of movement after so long.

Day 214

This morning there was no internet connection when I first turned on the computer. It’s a shock to my system to realize how dependent I am on technology. Fortunately it was brief and the outside world is available again. Tonda is sending me to a hematologist for iron infusions. That is the only way I’m going to recover the depleted stores of iron. I’m ready. I’m pushing myself to walk and exercise. Fake it till I make it.

Day 213

Hollie and I had a good time together. We filled out lists and our stomachs. Last day of the season at the museum. Eileen’s gallery is empty. No duty there. My volunteer schedule is down to two days at the senior center. I’m planning to leave it that way until January and just concentrate on regaining my health. I want my JOY back. Today I will see Tonda and get down to the business of restoring my zip. 

Day 212

Recreational shopping is on the agenda for today. Hollie and I have lists to fill in Brookings and lunch too. My orchids need new potting mix. A couple of the plants are doing nothing and I have threatened them with expulsion if they don’t get busy. New leaves, new air roots are OK but where are the stems and color? I enjoy dinking around with Hollie. We accomplish our goals and find things we didn’t know we wanted.

Day 211

I had a couple of brisk walks in the rain. It feels good on the skin and perks me up with the freshness of the air. The group at the potluck were chatty and the presentations were interesting. I enjoy my connections to the community through volunteering. Walking keeps me in touch with my neighborhood. I can expect a few buddy waves on my way.  I know a lot of people, at least I know who they are.

Day 210

It is the Autumnal Equinox and the minutes will slip rapidly into darkness. Time to get out the candles to flicker in the early night with their reassuring glow like the safety of the fire in the cave. The soup was so good that I could have written a song about it. Nothing beats fresh vegetables and good broth. After church I may go to the historical society potluck and lecture about the original building of the harbor.

Day 209

No leaky gas line. Gauge is slow to respond and gets stuck near the bottom so I don’t need to worry about running out of gas in the rain. Nice guy at Coast gave me peace of mind about the car. It is full out raining today, not wimpy drizzle. No agenda so I can stay dry and enjoy watching the lawn turn green after its blonde summer color. I’ll make chicken soup with fresh vegetables and noodles.

Day 208

Lots of fun yesterday, laughs and hugs, my favorite kind of day. Came home from the massage ready for an early bedtime. Today, errands that didn’t get finished and a trip to take the car in to Coast to check for a fuel leak. I think gasoline is leaking. I can smell it in the garage and the gauge falls faster than it should. My 15 year old car has few miles but the years still add up.

Day 207

The Full Harvest Moon was shining into the kitchen this morning. Maybe that accounts for the restless dreams that evaporated on waking and I was happy that they were gone. Today’s agenda is busy starting with Senior Center duty complete with receiving a flu shot there, a bunch of errands and shopping, and then, aahh, Karen for a massage. She leaves me feeling better and I can use a break from feeling unwell. I want my energy back!

Day 206

We are a culture that locks the barn door after the horse has been stolen. I’ve noticed in the news that change happens after a catastrophe. We are slow to prevent incidents like gun violence. I wonder about how I enact change. Do I wait for an undeniable signal that something is wrong before I assess my lifestyle and choices? I know I am eating iron-rich foods now that I know I have a depletion of stored iron.

Day 205

I know four notes on the recorder! A few more lessons and I’ll be playing tunes. Today I want to go to Brookings with Hollie for recreational shopping. Haven’t done that for weeks and it’s time for an outing. When my energy is low, my mind thinks up things it wants to do that have nothing behind them to get it done. I’m pushing to do my volunteer duties. I don’t feel any better when I stay home.

Day 204

Mike’s sermon was about his failures and finding a way up. He talked about his therapy with Mary McFarland. She helped me up too. I found her when I was deeply depressed after losing my teaching career and enduring spinal pain while I waited for the workers’ comp wheels to slowly turn. Mary could zero in like a laser beam and poke around right where the fester was located. I respected her compassion as well as her skill.

Day 203

NatGeoWild had documentaries on our coast and forests. I love living here. In spite of our lack of culture, we are in one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Any place our eyes land is a picture postcard. There is a cathedral-like aura in the Redwoods. The trees sigh as they move in the wind. It is an awesome place to feel their ancient wisdom. It’s a place for deep silence and contemplation of our personal insignificance. 

Day 202

A walk to farmers’ market may be the high spot of the day. I enjoy the crowd and chat with friends. Then I’m off to interview the owner of a historic home for the article in senior news about the health of old houses. I did research so I know how the home was built and who had lived in it since 1896. My house is over 70 and I know what it takes to keep it healthy.

Day 201

There are loose threads that need to be reattached or plucked off. Unfinished business of sorts, such as using the external hard drive to save documents, deciding what to do with the computer in the cottage, refilling the Imitrex prescription, wandering around looking at stuff that needs to be used or deleted. It’s a mood that leads to change or maybe to sitting down and thinking about it instead. Restless and too low on energy to follow through.

Day 200

Research wasn’t productive. I know the name of the original homeowner and that’s all. Tomorrow I’ll walk down the street and interview the residents and take a photo. Only two Wednesdays at the museum this season and the gallery will close forevermore. Whatever will I do with another day off? Maybe it’s time to stay home and enjoy what I have right here. I have all the tools I need to create. Spark is calling and wants attention.

Day 199

Our journal sharing is wonderful and intimate. We make an interesting group, plus more of Chris’ great brownies and rose tea. I look forward to our meetings even when I have only a lonely haiku to share. Today at the museum I will research old houses as that is the theme for next month’s Senior News. I have an idea about how I want to approach the subject using the house down the street that I have admired.

Day 198

 Both the movie, The Butler, and the recorder lesson were worthwhile activities. The movie brought up memories of the racial struggles during my lifetime. The lesson was engaging. I want to learn to play the soprano recorder that has been kicking around for years. Good brain exercise and the other students are interesting too. Jon brought over “ iron rich brownies with rust dusting on top.” Of course I felt better immediately upon ingesting. Today is J Street Journals.

Day 197

Walked to Wild Rivers Market yesterday and found a liquid iron supplement. It isn’t prescription grade and I’m hoping it will help to bring the storage up. Chris gave me dino chard from her garden and offered spinach too. Good neighbors! Today is Senior Center welcome duty, maybe get to the movie with Hollie after many delays, and the first recorder lesson. Suzanne played her harp at church. It was a lovely addition. Better and better every day.

Day 196

I know what matters today: moving more. I promise to take the dogs for a walk after church. The walk to farmers’ market yesterday was great. The weather was perfect and I ran into fun people to talk with. The corn and peaches that I have wanted for weeks are finally right here in my kitchen. I want to spruce up the cottage as I have a feeling that Lisa is coming soon. It is a cozy spot.

Day 195

Another beautiful morning! Clear, calm, and cool. The doors and windows are open to capture the cool and then I’ll close it up to preserve it. The farmers’ market is calling. I want peaches and corn. The season is almost over. Yesterday’s desire to play is still calling too. The bucket full of pens, crayons, and paint is waiting for desire to overcome the lack of physical energy. It doesn’t take much energy to doodle. I’ll get there.

Day 194

Besides a massage from Sarah, no agenda today. I’m hoping to feel like writing and doodling in my journal. Kelle is going on retreat and the leader announced, “We will start out slow and then taper off.” I can make my own retreat here. First I would turn off the TV. It fills the time when I don’t feel well. Then I would have a spa time before I see Sarah. Then, come home, eat well, and nap.

Day 193

Back to the senior center after two weeks away. Yesterday ‘Create is a Verb’ arrived. I enjoy Patti Digh’s Aesopian stories and grasp her positive messages. I’m tempted to write historical memories as stories instead of my just-the-facts-ma’am style. An imaginative flair would make a difference to the memory the way the description of Megan’s Easter outfit did. It was fun. I do not have enough fun and play. Today I will find opportunities to laugh out loud.

Day 192

Back to routine, museum and gallery, for the last month of those duties. Yesterday I met a woman VIP and was tempted to go to the PD and sign up. I enjoy the connection to the police people. I’ll wait until I am healthier and that won’t happen quickly since I will not take any more iron pills. They tear up my digestive system. If iron-rich foods aren’t enough, there must be an alternative that I can tolerate.